every other month or so I start to feel kinda lonely. It’s not even because I don’t have anyone to hang out with. It’s because I have completely changed WHO I hang out with. I guess its really stupid to repeatedly think about, but it really gets me down. When I go through these moods I think about how royally fucked those relationships were. paticularly with one person.
I think about how long we were friends and how hard i tried to keep it that way which in the end made me a complete door mat.
Its fucked up how when I (even in a nice and polite way) stand up for myself and say “hey, listen I love you, but I have been hurt a couple of times in our friendship and when you went behind my back, It was really hard for me. I just need some time”
all of a sudden I AM THE bad person! I get hit back with “well your the reason our group of friends split up and your the reason for this and you did this and this person hates you and blah blah blah” its like…. hold up!? did i just accuse you specifically of shitty things you have done? because I fucking could! and bitch I’ve got a long list.
But I keep on being the nice guy! I apologise and reply with ” I am really sorry for what ever I did to make all these people “hate” me, but what I am talking about is: you and I, not them, and right now I just need a little time to recollect myself” so what happens? I get blocked on facebook and every other social networking sight by her and her boyfriend.
ummmmm, ok??? i am sorry your a shitty friend and cant own up to your bitchy-ness???? like what is this? I was being attacked, not you. I should be doing the blocking and you should be doing the apologising!
but you know what I guess fuck it, because thats the way our whole friendship was. me apologising for things that I never fucking did.
I guess sometimes it just takes me remembering all this to remind myself why I shouldn’t miss her.